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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23663332">death and all its friends</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsycat/pseuds/artsycat'>artsycat</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:55:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,921</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23663332</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsycat/pseuds/artsycat</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren, Mikasa and the consequences that have led them to this moment.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>death and all its friends</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>She meets him one last time, at the end of it all. The cells of the military police are cold, dark and haunting. Her footsteps are loud amongst the empty halls, echoing off into the darkness. She doesn’t care. She wants to be heard. She wants him to know that she’s here, that she is coming, and that she will never go away, no matter how they try to hide him from her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And it shouldn’t come as much of a shock, really. Mikasa has always belonged to Eren, in any way that he would have her. All she can do now is go to him. Perhaps to rescue, perhaps to take him and runaway from this wretched island, or perhaps to even give him comfort. It matters not; all she knows is that she cannot stand to be away from him. There isn’t much time left anyways. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The wax from the candle slips down onto her skin hot, thick and screaming. Eren doesn’t react much when he sees her, instead, he takes a deep breath and says calmly, “You shouldn’t be here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be an idiot.” Mikasa says, jamming in the key she managed to snatch from the unsuspecting guards, unlocking the door and forcing it open. “Eren, come on.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks at her, and god, he looks terrible. Bags so heavy beneath his eyes, his hair a mess and his clothes entirely dishevelled. For a second Mikasa wonders what exactly they did to him when they brought him in. He doesn’t look as though he’s been hurt, though. There’s no tell-tale sign of any swelling or bruising. In fact, he doesn’t look hurt at all. He just looks like a mess. Any other time, Mikasa would’ve asked what burdens him. For now, she hopes to ask him later, when they are far beyond here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They would catch us as soon as we’d step out.” He says.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They wouldn’t.” Mikasa says with as much determination as she can muster. She needs him to believe that they can do this. It can only work when he puts his faith in her. “I’ve scoured the entire area and I have all the blind spots memorized. We could make it out of Paradis within days if we’re careful.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And then what, Mikasa? We go where? Marley? Hizuru? Where? Don’t you think they’d have the entirety of the scouting legion behind us with every step we make?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’d get tired of chasing us eventually. All I know is that we need to get out as soon as possible. Eren, please don’t argue with me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stays quiet for a moment, almost looking at her as if she were insane, and Mikasa will admit it bruises both her pride and heart a little bit. Does he not have faith in her abilities? She is now, as of the moment since the war ended, the most dangerous person in this world. There is no one that can match her in a fight. No titan, no human, no weapon even. She could do this. They both could do this. Yes, it would be difficult. Yes it would be pointless even if they were caught at the end of it all. But they have to </span>
  <em>
    <span>try</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It makes no sense for this to be the end.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’d just keep running then. Until I eventually die. In which case you’d have no other choice but to go back. And then you’d be arrested and executed for treason. And then it makes this entire thing rather pointless, no?” He tilts his head almost sardonically. “It doesn’t matter Mikasa. It doesn’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Mikasa takes a deep breath so as not to hyperventilate. She doesn’t understand why he doesn’t understand. She doesn’t know what to do to make him understand. “I know it doesn’t matter, and I know it wouldn’t be worth it, but we have to try.” She tells him to grab on to his hand. “What else do we have left to lose? Both of our families are dead. Our friends are dead. Our home is gone. It’s only you and me left now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He rests his head against the wall, his eyes looking almost empty as he stares at the ceiling. “Everything dies in the end anyways.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t know why his statement makes her angry, only that it does. All she can see is red before her eyes and before she can even stop herself she has him pinned to the wall, her fingers bruising into his shoulders, and he looks at her almost shocked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t. Just don’t, okay? Don’t talk to me about death as though I never experienced it. You have no idea what I have had to do. No idea the pain I have gone through. If you even think for one second that I would allow you to surrender yourself to your own death then I fear you don’t know me that well.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He still looks in shock, his eyes wide. “I- “</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is so stupid. So utterly stupid, so much so that it actually hurts. She could never bear a life without him. “I would die without you.” She finally says, hot tears rushing down her face. “Eren, I can’t watch you die. I can’t let them kill you. I can’t see you locked up forever in this place. I can’t. I won’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh Mikasa,” He says, and for some reason she begins to sob harder. He wraps his arms around her, and she slinks down, pressing her face against his chest, wrapping her own arms around his waist. She feels almost like a child then, hugging her mother as she cried into her skirts. She has never felt more helpless. What is the point of her strength when she can’t even protect the one person she has left? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He holds her tightly. Lets her sob into him. She doesn’t know how long they stay like that, only that by the end they’ve both kneeled onto the floor in a heap with her head in his lap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He has his hands running through her hair, brushing them out of her tear-stricken face. She has never witnessed such gentleness from him before. It is not to mean that he is not gentle, he has had his moments in the past whereupon his eyes would soften and his hands would hold with love rather than desperation. But he has never been gentle like </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He has never been so intimate, least of all with her. The only other time he was, was years and years ago, where he wrapped a scarf of red around her neck and told her to come home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He has always been her home. Where will her home be now without him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She could live after his death. She could. She could get up every morning and stare at the sky as the day would pass into nightfall and brushed the inky black horizontal plane with a thousand glittering stars. It would be difficult, and she would think of Eren always, but it could be done. It could be done.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But, what would be there for her? Like all living things, even the eternal sky will taste death one day, and what would Mikasa do?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” she hears him say, and she looks up slightly only to see his face turned away from her. “I’m sorry for everything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t know how to respond. They sit there quietly, and Mikasa dreams and wonders, and questions.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not sorry.” She says suddenly, without accusation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not sorry.” She sits up just to look him straight in the eyes. “I don’t know what you’re sorry for, but I do know it isn’t for any of this.” And by this she means all of this. His plans, his dangerous plans that have killed so many. That have killed their friends and innocents and that have killed </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sasha</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stares at her, with no expression on his face. He looks tired here, almost as though he has lived a lifetime before this. And in a sense, he has. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re wrong. I am sorry.” He then adds, “For you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You deserved more.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Did she? Mikasa doesn’t know exactly what she deserves. Perhaps a life different than this one, not necessarily better, but different. But she can’t picture that life right now. This is all she has ever known. She has not lived in a reality beyond the one that she is in at this moment. Her girlish dreams are a thing of the past and the dreams that plague her sleep now make her writhe in misery and torment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you mean.” She says truthfully. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You deserved better.” He says. “Sometimes, I wish I never saved you that day. At least then you wouldn’t have had to worry about me. You would have never known that I existed. You would have suffered, but at least you wouldn’t end up like this. You could have prevailed and lived a life and loved a man who was deserving of your love.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you saying you aren’t?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m saying how could I have ever been? How could you love a man like me? A man who isn’t deserving of it, a man with too much blood on his hands to ever be forgiven?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She leans back against the wall, shuts her eyes and breathes. She thinks of her parents, of Armin, of Sasha, and she thinks of the snow that had been falling the day he came to save her. She thinks of love and his red scarf and how no one had ever saved her before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because,” she starts. “nobody in this world knows me like you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She reaches out to grab his hand and squeezes it tightly, and there exists only him and her in a world that does not care. “Only you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She does not kiss him, nor does he her. They sit in silence waiting for the day to end, for the guards to come and find them both. It is strange that in their silence, they have never been more connected. It’s as though she feels what he feels and he thinks what she thinks. This is not the Ackerbond, no it is not something as flimsy as that. It is not the way it was with Captain Levi and Commander Erwin, nor is it the way it was of any Ackerman with their liege. It’s something more. It is not love either, for love is always fading. This is an understanding maybe. It is him and her and the acknowledgement that there is nothing else in the world that matters. It is more than love. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The guards find them in the end, when it’s time for his execution. His hands and feet are bound in chains and they lead him outside. He leaves her with one last look, and the emotion on his face is one that she cannot understand. He looks at her almost pleading, but pleading for what? But then he smiles softly, and before he is out of her gaze, he mouths the words that she had only ever dreamed he would say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t go to see him die. She walks away. She walks away until the land turns from grass green to soft white sand. She breathes in the salt from the ocean and thinks back to a time where the ocean was an imaginary place. Her eyes start to sting but she doesn’t cry. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Eren</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It’s a name she will never forget.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you guys liked. I haven't written anything in a while so my writing is pretty rusty and I also haven't been reading the manga as in-depth as I wanted to so I don't really have a good grasp on either eren or mikasa's characterization. nonetheless, hope you guys enjoyed and i hope this quarantine is treating you well. also follow me on twitter @mewkasa im more active there than i am on tumblr</p></blockquote></div></div>
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